How to Effectively Refocus Your Thoughts On Your Husband

Since I can remember, all I've ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom.

It took a little longer than MY TIMELINE had mapped out, but in those years of singleness, the Lord was building up the man that He had in store for me. 

Now, almost 10 years later, this man has walked hand in hand with me through everything life has thrown our way...

through the trials that challenged and strengthened our faith,

through loss that brought more tears than I knew I could shed,

through joys that allowed us to truly celebrate life,

through decisions that ultimately taught us rely on each other and the Lord,

and everything "mundane" in between.

This guy has my heart for as long as the Lord has us here on earth.

And I couldn't think of another person better suited to lead me and our 4 boys. 

HOWEVER, somewhere along the way, the mundane things of our life slowly began to take up all the space in my mind that my husband used to occupy. 

​The dirty diapers, the piles of dishes and laundry, the grocery list, the screaming baby, the routines...they all seemed to win my attention and we went into survival mode! 

Just a year into our parenthood journey, I found myself  feeling like I was just working by my husbands side...trying to make it to the end of our day with the end goal of keeping our son alive and happy until bedtime.

Our son and our newly found "survival mode" kept me from taking the time to focus on all those things I once held dear about my husband.

Yes, we were side by side, but not always hand in hand. ​

I needed to refocus my thoughts on my husband.

I needed to see him as "Husband" and not JUST "helper".

Photo Credit : Kara Pennington Photography

Several years ago, I was in a bible study, and was asked to teach one of the lessons.

I ended up with the passage, Philippians 4:8, a verse I had read a hundred times before, however, that day, I saw it in a whole new way.

​"Whatever is TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is of GOOD REPUTE (ADMIRABLE), if there is any EXCELLENCE or if anything WORTHY OF PRAISE, DWELL ON THESE THINGS."

Here, in this verse, was the key to refocusing my mind for my husband.

​As I reflected on who he was, the love I had for him was brought back to the center of my thoughts...where he belongs to be.

I would love to encourage you to set aside some time, open the Bible to Philippians 4:8, and think only of your husband as you read these words. 

I believe that one of the greatest gifts you could give your Husband is to affirm these characteristics in him...AND TELL HIM!! ​

Photo Credit : Kara Pennington Photography

1. Whatever is RIGHT

I know its hard for us ladies to admit when our husbands are right, but think of a time when you might have been in conflict, differing opinions, or not knowing how to navigate a situation.

Dwell on a time your husband was right, and think of the benefits you reaped from that situation.

2. Whatever is True

Truth doesn't change. What is it about your husband that hasn't changed since you've met him? What part of his character drew you to him?

Dwell on what is true about him, and let go of all the little things you can't change.

3. Whatever is Pure

"Pure" is defined as "free from harshness or roughness". 

In Ephesians 5:25-27, the bible says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."

Christ, as our example, is the ultimate picture of purity. 

Dwell on how your husband chooses to abstain from "harshness or roughness." 

​4. Whatever is Honorable

Husbands have a strong desire to be respected, and depending on their profession, they may receive accolades at work, but are they feeling like the work they are doing at home matters?

The definition of honorable includes "of high regard", but I want to shout from the rooftops that washing dishes, taking out the trash, bathing the children, picking up the house, is "of high regard." 

Dwell on the work that your husband may do that has gone unnoticed.

5.Whatever is Lovely

What first physically attracted you to your husband? What is your favorite feature? Maybe it's not physical, but a part of his personality, but dwell on that one thing...even if it has changed over the years, it's still a part of him...a part of your attraction to him.

Dwell on his features, his attributes, his character traits that you find absolutely irrestiable.

6. Whatever is of Good Repute (Admirable) 

If I may speak on behalf of most wives, it's important to us that our husbands "are who they say that are" inside AND outside the home. We desire to know our husbands reputation stands true even when we aren't around. 

Have your friends or family members shared something about your husband that they respect? Or maybe it's one of his friends or colleagues that has mentioned something they admire about him.

Dwell on how your husband is seen through other people's eyes. 

7. Whatever is Excellent or Worthy of Praise

Think back over this season of life that you and your husband are in. Maybe it's been a hard season, maybe it's been a season of relief and restoration. Whatever the case may be, is there a situation where your husband stepped in and "saved the day?" Is there a time that he provided exactly what you needed WHEN you needed it? 

Dwell on that moment. Reflect on that feeling. 

NOW...

TELL HIM!
​
You may choose to write them all out in a note and give it to him.
​
You may choose to focus on truth each day and surprise him the whole week with sweet little notes each day.

You may be even more creative than me and CREATE something that signifies all these things. 

Whatever you choose, try and think about how HE receives love.

What better gift to give your husband, than to affirm WHO HE IS TO YOU.

​And what a gift to give your marriage as well...to effectively refocus your mind on the man whom God gave you to walk hand in hand through life with!

 ***I want to encourage those wives out there who are struggling to find something "good" to dwell on in any of these areas. Take it as a challenge to pray specially for your husband in that particular area. Even if we don't see the change, the Lord, in His time, will draw your husband to Himself if we are persistent to pray for him. And if you really want to encourage your husband... TELL HIM you are praying for him. What a blessing we can be to our husbands by the simple, effective and powerful act of prayer. ***

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Loving Your Husband Their Way

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