Loving Your Husband Their Way

Several years ago, I was asked to share my testimony at a women's gathering at church. The topic was "Loving Your Husband," and as I read back through my words recently, I realized that they are still true to our marriage today. And if I dare to guess, I think they will always be true.

​Loving our spouse is intentional, it is work, and it is WORTH IT!!

Photo Credit: Kara Pennington Photography

"Early on in our dating relationship, Ryan and I realized that we needed a communication tool, after enduring one unnecessary disagreement (or “conflict”) after another. In college, I had read Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages”, and suggested to Ryan that we go through the book together as a couple, reading a chapter a week and discussing it in depth.

Little did I know that this suggestion would help shape the way we would ultimately approach everyday situations in our dating relationship, and now, in our marriage. In fact, going into our pre marital counseling  our pastor was pleasantly surprised that we had already addressed most of the uncomfortable and controversial topics most couples shy away from before saying "I Do."
 
The love languages described in the book are Quality Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Going into the book with Ryan, I knew my 2 primary love languages, but as we dove deeper and Ryan’s love languages were revealed, I realized 2 things. 1.)We are SO different! 2) Loving him HIS way going to be a lot of work! His top two were my bottom two. And it was true vise versa as well.

God used this book as a tool for Ryan and I to communicate through uncomfortable and vulnerable situations that often stem from a HUGE marital barrier: Feeling unloved...the basis for most marital conflicts.

​We’ve now come to the place where we try and be upfront and honest with one another when we aren’t feeling loved in a particular area...addressing the hurt, avoiding the conflict.
 
Growing up, being married was all I ever wanted. I reached a point in my early 20's where I realized I needed to be praying for God to be working in the heart of the man that I was to marry (whenever that day may be, and whomever that man is), AND that he would work in me as well, to prepare me to be his wife.

Now, I am confident that God created Ryan and I for each other, even being as completely different as we are, but what I understand now is that these prayers I prayed long ago still need to be prayed now. I need to continue to pray that God would shape my heart to be the wife Ryan needs me to be, which includes intentionally loving him in the way HE needs to be loved!

That means looking for every opportunity to meet him where his heart responds best, and not just where it’s easiest for me show love. 
 
We were so impacted by these 5 simple ways of giving/receiving love, that we created a canvas emphasizing our primary and secondary love languages. We displayed it at our wedding, and it’s now hanging in our home where we see it everyday, reminding us that Love Is Intentional, Love is Work, and Love is Worth It!!" (2013)

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Feeling unloved is a dangerous place to live, even for short periods of time, in ANY relationship you are in, but ESPECIALLY your marriage. The enemy will use this "feeling" of being "unloved" to plant seeds of lies and doubt about our spouse in our heart that, without resolve, can be devastating with lasting consequences.

If you've been doing everything you can to reach your husband and he's just not responding, PLEASE pick up a copy of this book and learn how to love him HIS way.

Since reading this book, editions for every stage and relationship have been written to help us better understand how to truly love one another including 5 Love Languages for children, teens, singles, military, small group study, and in the workplace. (affiliate links)

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Dwelling Well | Marriage